what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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