i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
