I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
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You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
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I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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