Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
