okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
