I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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