I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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