areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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