Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
