i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
