Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
