we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
