i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
