sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
