I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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