It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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