Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
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I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
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After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week