I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?