Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
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Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
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I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."