So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell