I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow