On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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