Swine flu. Run for my life!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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