Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
