i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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