I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
