He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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