Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
