; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
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