First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
