Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
