I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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