I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
