I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
