I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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