You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
