Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Randomize
