dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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