It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
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Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize