peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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