Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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