I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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