Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
