1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
