He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
