At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
