People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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