yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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