he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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