And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
