I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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