Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
