wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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