I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
