Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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