Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
