would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
