I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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