well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
