ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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