Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
