My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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