i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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