May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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