Old men and throwing up are my life now.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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